A little personal post, because I'm feeling in need of jotting it down. 

Yesterday was my first day of training at a new 'day-job.'  It's to feed my filthy habit of eating that I just can't seem to break (them's the jokes folks).  Anyrate, I'm used to working, mostly temp positions in the corporate sector.  But, I wanted to try something different.  So, there's this new store in NYC called The Iron Fairies.  I liked it so much, I went in on my second or third visit to the shop and asked if they could use help. 

I thought my first day went well.  I was learning.  I always did what was asked, when asked, with a smile and enthusiasm.  I interacted well with the customers.  I certainly love and pitch the products well - I honestly get excited about them.  I was supposed to just be there for four hours; but after I got there, they asked me if I could stay to close, a full 8 hours.  No problem.  I was a bit miffed that out of an 8 hour day, I got a 15 minute lunch, which left me no option but McDonald's (which I abhore); but I'm hoping that's just because it was the first day, and that if I were working a regular 8 hour day, I'd at least get 30 minutes.  It can take 15 minutes just to walk to a quick place (other than the evil clown home) and get through the line.

Overall though, I felt encouraged.  Then, they show me the lock up procedure, close everything down, and we're leaving, and I ask when do I come back. . . I get an "ow, uh, yeah, we'll call you.  Thanks!"

damn.  So, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm emotionally drained from being peppy all day, and now I feel like it was all for nothing.  Wait, wait!  So, I get on the subway - so distracted, I end up getting on the right train going the wrong direction.  I sit down, and not a minute after the door closes, the drunk woman across the isle from me starts yelling at me:  "You look like death!  Oh, my god, you look like a skeleton! Look at you! Look at yourself!  You need to do something about this.  It's sick, it's disgusting!  You're all bones!"  Yelling, loudly, in a full subway car. 

I must have just had it, because I started trying to talk back.  I talked softly, and smiled, and told her I've tried to gain weight, but I could eat and nothing gained.  I tried telling her different people just have different bodies.  It wasn't until I said the phrase, "This is just how my mother made me" that she lightened up, and started talking about being an alcoholic.  I got off at the next stop.  I didn't check first, I just got off.

I'm at one of the stops that only goes one way.  So I go looking for the downtown train to take me back the next direction.  So, I get on the phone, and I'm crying, and hurt and tired and hungry and emotionally just *HAD IT* and I can't find my subway entrance.  Bentley was good enough to get on the computer, while listening to my emotional sobs and rants, to look up the nearest downtown subway entrance.

I went into work at 3pm.  I got home at 1:30am.  3-11 I had no real complaints.  11:30 - 1:30 was extrordinarily unpleasant.  I had nightmares all last night.

But, today.  Today will be OK.  I'm rested, I'm going to cook dinner, and I'm going to run and mail some necklaces off at the post office.  And maybe once my phone is charged back up call Mom. 

Nothing quite like calling Momma when you feel the world's being a big meanie!