Sorry I have been so quiet I actually haven't been on the computer for a long time. Couple of mnths ago I had a few flare ups that kept me in bed then after that on a Sunday afternoon I had a real major flare up the pain was unbelieveable the Lupus attacted my nervous system also my kidneys and lungs.  I had so much pain that the specialist put me on high dose of morphine also steriods and immune supress drug. So  I have been in bed trying to get the major flare up under control. I had a few really depressing days where all I did was cry out of anger but my future mother inlaw really helped me those days. Now I just can't wait to get better so I can get back to painting. My partner did buy me this beautiful fairy art book of different fairy and angel paintings and illustration. I love this book and look at it often .  My children also have been so very helpful they stayed by my bed while I was going through the worse holding my hand and staying to I fell asleep and on the good days we watch comedy from my bed and they watch while I try not to laugh because the pluresey cause pain when I laughed which was hard to do while watching the movie me, myself and Irene. lol. I haven't been to bored I got the tv in bedroom and there have been some good shows on like hero which I got totally addicted too. Now hopefully I can go more on the internet now.

I got diagnose a few weeks ago. I was hiding it till now only telling handful of friends for some reason I felt ashamed I don't know why maybe because it's not talked about much anyway I got lupus and christmas was the worse this yr because I am flaring up. We spend christmas around my bed instead of in the lounge room next to the tree. I dislike christmas anyway so we made a family descion to celebrate hanuake and have the pressies on the 8th day that way we miss the chrissy rush and we don't have to be so stress out about shoping for the kids.

Today was the worst day though the flare up is full going it hurt when I breathed for few hrs today and I nearly had a bad fall and my sisters came over after taking the kids out for the day to the shops and they both didn't want me to move but stay in bed so I missed spending heaps of time with them. I miss my sisters I only see them every few mnths and my baby sister I adore she is the one I look up to most out of the whole family she is the most kind spirit person I ever meet. So tonight I am on the laptop in bed looking at stepanie roberts page she is a very talented artist I recommend if you are like me and love art nova and 1920s mix it with fairies and you got some awesome art. Her website is www.stephanieroberts.com. Michelle gave some good advise and told me to paint or draw when I am feeling very emotional just let it out on my drawing, I would have done that today but the pain stop me but as soon as I am feeling better I am going to try that maybe that will help me come to terms with everything. I think I have taken it bad because I was such an active person not home always on the run burning candle at both ends that is what my daughter said tonight I was such active person then I got cancer and came sick after it and that slap me of my feet.  Anyway I am blabbering now I am down tired bit sad and  I guess you can tell it's an off day for me. 

This week has been a painful week with only few hrs sleep a night.  It started of with this terrible arthritis pain in my knuckles then it spreed to my shoulder. I did no painting or drawing which I am sad about because I miss it.  Though besides all the pain I did get a HIM t'shirt and few more mp3 which I am happy about.  Surprised my partner that I was into such heavy rock. Maybe because I am in so much pain lately that I crave heavy music to get my mind of it. Maybe the arthritis is due to the weather change it is really nice to be able to wear boob tubes again and show of my fairy tattoo on my shoulder since I got it in winter and haven't had a summer to show it off yet. Anyway it's late I am so very tired and I am going to try and get some sleep before the pain hits again so ni ni.