Whew, what a mouthful of a title! I made some awesome bread tonight, thought I'd toss up pictures before I went to sleep. I'll put the recipe up tomorrow.

So delicious!

I never really blogged about Matt being here, I think because it makes me sad now that he's gone. Being in a long distance relationship has been so difficult! But we've made it for six and a half months now. One of the pics I got of him while he was chowing down on breakfast sammies I made:

Well, it's not really an official engagement, since he's bound and determined that a ring will be on my finger, but we've decided on a date. October 1st of 09. We'll have been living together for over a year by then, so if it turns out that we just can't cohabit and the relationship falls apart, there will be plenty of time to find that out and go our separate ways. We're both so excited about it, already talking about planning and such. Since he studies Qabbalah, and me being a shaman, we decided that our marriage should reflect the marriage in a household of these two schools of thought. We're having an elemental themed wedding, outdoors if Mother Nature permits, with the altar being under the canopies of two trees. I'm going to decorate the two trees to reflect the two trees of life that we both believe on. All the pictures he's shown of me of the Quabbalah tree of life have circles or points at specific areas to denote certain things. I'll hang paper lanterns on the tree in roughly those areas to represent it. On the tree next to it, ribbons woven in Celtic knots through the canopy and around the trunk.

I've been freaking out lately about pregnancy, and wanting to be pregnant. It may just be springtime, and all that life energy getting to me, but it's driving Matt bonkers. I know that right now isn't really the time, but I can't help it. Everyone keeps saying, oh enjoy your youth. I've always wanted to be a young mother. I've seen the country, had my adventures. I want a family. I think part of my mind not wanting to wait for the marriage and finances to be in order is because my own mother died so young. I'm almost 24, she died at 35. She didn't get to be there for my high school graduation, she won't be at my wedding. She wasn't here for the birth of her grandson by my baby sister. There was so much she missed in body. I know she's with me always now, I can feel her. I still see her sometimes in a crowd, in the corners of my eye. Even though she died of cancer that was caused by outside things, and not hereditary or anything, I'm afraid of dying before I see my children grown. I see my sister with her little boy and I'm so jealous. My bones feel so old sometimes, like I'm made of the rock and the earth, and I've been here so long my time is almost up.

I keep having dreams of storms coming, but I can never tell what all the rain is masking. I hope it's nothing too awful, or maybe I'm just paranoid. I guess I'm in a weird mood. Happy and hopeful and apprehensive and scared and lost and peaceful all at once.

I'll be posting soon again, with pictures. I plan on making lemon curd filled bread braids with a sweet lemon glaze. When I do, I'll post pics and the recipe for it all. I hope the nights are finding everyone peaceful and warm and the days are sunny and full of laughter.

Blessed be.

A woman who plays on Kingdom of Loathing recently lost her little boy. Her boyfriend attacked her with an axe, took their two year old little boy and fled. He's in custody now, but somewhere between kidnapping Drew and getting caught, he killed their son. How could someone do something like that? I couldn't imagine ever being so angry that I would do something like that. It's awful and scary, and I can't even imagine how Merilly feels. Keep her in your prayers, guys, because she needs it right now.

I found a fun headband pattern that I've been making in lots of different colors:

The net effect isn't as difficult as I thought to do, and it looks really cute. This week is exciting for me, because after five and a half months of a long distance relationship, my boyfriend will be coming to spend a week with me. I can't wait. He will be getting on his bus in about an hour, and at 2 in the morning on Friday, he will be getting off it. It's a LONG way from Virginia to Oklahoma.

Some art to share:

In return for dreading my hair, my sister asked me to design a tattoo for her, in honor of her first born child.

And some gorgon art, because I found this sketch buried under years of discarded notebooks.

So, I've been needing a place to put smaller items in the room so that they aren't strewn haphazardly around the bed. I was considering just packing them into boxes and stacking the boxes in a corner, when I got a better idea.

Rock on. I used my tarot deck to try and ask the fae what they thought of the changes. I pulled the 6 of swords. Leaving difficulties behind, or journeying to find a solution to a problem. Maybe they approve of my way of fixing the clutter problem? n.n I hope so.