An adventure always begins by putting a foot out of the door and in my case it seems to always be the wrong foot!  This past adventure was certainly no exception and I have to blame my wonderful fairy wife for her absence of historical thoughts in persuading me to brave the first wrong step! 

Now we all know us fairy folk are used to flying, but due to the fact that the flight was again some 6000 miles long it was impractical to attempt it solo, so I joined several hundred others on an Air France flight from Heathrow to Charles de Gaul.  Foolishly handed my suitcase which disappeared along a conveyer belt and before I knew it I was sat in a seat above hundreds of litres of highly explosive fuel wandering what on earth I was doing here.  After a short flight we touched down in the European State that frogs and snails avoid at all costs and here began the nightmare.   Although not as terrible as a frog or snail's nightmare, it was a terrible experience that began with " Ve are sozzy to announce dat de flight to Johanesburg as bin delayed"   It was so delayed in fact that I found myself in a long line of people late at night wandering how a delay turned into a overnight stay and more scarily what was so wrong with the plane that it needed so much time to fix. 

Ok so you look on the bright side and even after forty minutes in a line to be told "No dis is se fong line" and eventually near midnight you get a "Vooocher fa de heotel" - You cheerfully hum in your brain the "One Night in Paris" song and smile.  Well you have not been in Paris till you stayed at the Hotel Ibiz!  Seriously it wipped any resemblance of a grin from my face!  Dinner was appalling and  consisted of a pigeon stew, obviously it was too late, so they decided to massacre the unfortunate pigeons roosting around the hotel!  No luggage either, the tiny rooms smelt and as it was  too far to travel to the wonderful streets of Paris, we decided the bar was the only safe option.  Here we wondered about the brightly lit sign that read "Rooms for twelve Euros and hour" and took solace in the fact that we were avoiding any lousy crustaceans!  As daylight broke over the rim of my pint glass we herded to the departure gate and there we sat till eventually we departed this world of "Noo"

The flight was eventful too, more food that would only be eaten as a last resort after the pilot had devoured the passengers and crew in a desert crash, only added to the fun.  Eventually we arrived in Johannesburg, the murder capital of Southern Africa and for some strange reason this actually pleased us for awhile.  A short while actually as from the dark place suitcases go, none appeared!  Being late at night we wondered if the cases had fallen asleep or had hibernated due to the cold hold in the plane.  Still as we slept on the floor dreaming of clean socks,that night as we each took turns in ensuring that what we had left we still had in the moaning, especially our heads which we were very attached too.

Next moaning we were informed that "De Fligts are fool" and "Dat we will get to Port Elizabeth, but wees don't know when"  All day we sat in-between quick dives to the Wimpy for coffee or snacks, but alas as the last flight left we were all still there without suitcases and clean socks.  Eventually at elevens we were told that we could get a flight at 6am, so we called a hotel and they arranged to collect us and return us to the airport at 4am. 

The hotel served a wonderful dinner and soon we were tucked up in bed, after the chore of washing our clothes and drying them with the hairdryer.  Dreaming of clean socks and underwear we slept happily in our beds.  At half three in the moaning we were awoken by the receptionist and by 4am we were ready for the last leg of our outward journey.  The bus arrived and the driver insisted that we pay one hundred and fifty rand each for the trip or he would not take us.  Sadly he picked on the wrong people, people who had reached the end of their endurance, patience and despite clean socks were ready to explode at any attempt of extortion.  The reaction was first, "Get the manager as this was arranged and was part of the deal when we booked."  His reply that the manager was not available led me to ask him, "Where are the keys to the bus?"  He had only got half way through saying "Dey is in the bus" and I already had them magically in my hand.  "Ok everyone I said, lets get going and please tell the manager the bus will be parked outside as we have to be there by half four or we will miss our flight!"  The driver seeing he was outnumbered by a group of eight angry frothing wild travellers in clean socks darted off and in a few minutes a sleepy half dressed manager was at the driver's window asking me to wait a minute.  His absecence of socks was almost comical!   In brief in that minute he hit the driver over the head, shouted abuse at him and asked me to move over and away we went, us with clean socks and him with no socks at all.

His apologies were lengthy and despite being just awoken he drove us like a race driver to the airport and with minutes to spare we were on the plane.  Obviously he was in a hurry to get back and put his socks on, as his feet must have been freezing in the bitterly cold Johanesburg winters moaning.

Ok here is the part you think would go, we had a short flight to PE airport, but again that was what was supposed to happen and would have to most normal people!  The getting on the plane went well, sitting down was easy and the taxi to the runway started normally.  Then the strong smell of explosive flight fuel started to flood the cabin.  At least we knew the smell was nothing to do with us and our socks or underwear.   The plane stopped, engines were cut, doors were opened and the drone of the captain's voice told us that there was a technical problem.  TECHNICAL PROBLEM!  By now walking to PE was becoming a comforting thought and I was already contimplating washing socks in streams on the way, so although the repairs took a few hours it was a good job they did not let us disembark as am positive non of us would have returned for the flight.

Well enough of all that, eventually the nightmare ended and I was in PE airport where neither my case nor the people I was meeting appeared.  (Expected that they all got fed up as I was now days later than I was planned to be)......................the story continues in the next blog!