Hey All...

Don't know about any of the rest of you who make and sell stuff for a living, but this year absolutely bit the big one for me. The irony (hence the title of this post) is that last year I was getting 4 to 6 orders a day during the run-up to Christmas, but I was so ill it was all I could do to even *try* to keep up. This year I was healthy as a horse, so to speak, and raring to go but lucky to get 4 orders a week. Nothing like sitting on your hands during what should be the Season of Chaos.

It worked out okay, though - still have a roof over my head and that fancy electricity stuff is still flowing to the workshop - but I'm wondering now if my magical doors were nothing more than a fad. I know the economy stinks and what I make isn't exactly a commodity or necessity (like that electricity stuff or roofs), but sheesh...

Here's to hoping 2010 is just a wee bit more prosperous than 2009 turned out to be. Not just for me, but for all who bust their behinds to put food on the table by creative endeavors.

Peace out (and good luck!)...

Sean the Gnome

Holy carp! Has it really been over a year since I last posted here?

I do have an excuse -- a doctor's excuse, no less. Got hit with an extremely severe case of psoriasis back in February that completely covered my body, causing my hair and finger/toenails to fall out, excruciating pain and all kinds of other bad stuff. To top it off, my liver just about gave up the ghost and the docs were telling me I had about two months to get my affairs in order. That was about two months ago and I'm not dead yet. Radical changes in diet and finally giving up my whiskey for good seem to be doing the trick. Last round of tests showed improvement and the doc said to keep doing whatever I'm doing 'cause it's working.

In any case, I'm mostly all better now and slowly but surely reconnecting to the world and my work. I'm in the midst of my holiday season chaos in the workshop, knocking out my magical fairy doors as quickly as I can and trying not to freeze my **** off out there.

I hope this post finds everyone in good health and spirits. Happy Everything to all!

Sean the Gnome o<|:-)>

I made an honest attempt last year to pull off a 50k-word novel in 30 days, but failed. November is my busiest month for work, so probably not the best time to try speed-writing a novel, but I did manage to come up with something I think is worth pursuing.

If you're unfamiliar with NaNoWriMo, November is National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo.org). The goal is to write a 50k-word novel from scratch in 30 days. The prize is getting to puff up your chest as much as you want to say "I did it!". No money. No contracts. No book deals. Just write and be happy and proud.

Anyway, I started one last year but was distracted by life and never finished it. This year, I started a new one thinking life might be more compliant, but no. It got off to a good start, but I couldn't get last year's story out of my head and decided to pursue that one instead. I can't submit it for NaNo since it's not from scratch, so I thought I might toss it at you folks to see if you think it's worth pursuing.

Please ignore the really poopy formatting -- it's what OpenOffice generated when I exported to HTML and I don't have time to mess with it to make it all colorful and purty.

The story is still very rough and still needs much work (not to mention finishing), but I think enough is there to be presentable. Any comments from the EF community would be greatly appreciated.

Here's the story: "Alicia and the Magic Door"

As some of you know, I make little doors for the Wee (which includes the Fae and other winged and unwinged folk that may or may not fit in your pocket, willingly or by force). You may also guess by my EF name that I'm of Gnomish stock.

Good and good. And now that we have that out of the way, let me explain why I can't stand Pixies (other than being married to a half-Pixie).

For starters, they have very sharp teeth. In my line of work -- trying to turn wood into useful things like Fairy doors -- I deal with sharp things all the time. Saw blades are sharp. So are drill bits and chisels. Fortunately, most of these sharp implements do not have minds of their own or I'd be in trouble, especially since I have a tendency to abuse them on occasion. Pixies, on the other hand (as much as I hate to admit it) do have minds. Devious little minds, too.

Anyway, sharp teeth and devious minds can make a hard working Gnome's life Hell, to say the least. For example, they think it's funny to nip at my ankles while I'm running a piece of wood through the router (a tool with a very sharp bit that spins at about 25,000 RPMs, in case you've never met one). Oh yes, it's hysterical when my fingers are mere millimeters away from its business end and my ankle suddenly feels like it's on fire because a damn Pixie just sunk it's teeth into it. Of course, when you squish one -- even a justified squish -- all of the squished Pixie's friends and relations come at you like a swarm of angry killer bees.

But sharp teeth isn't the only (or even the main) reason Gnomes don't like Pixies.

They also have sharp tongues and bad attitudes, and will insult your mother and your entire family tree just for kicks and giggles. Of course, any retort you come up with will land you in the same position as if you'd squished one of the buggers -- with a swarm of the little biters trying to remove your ears one mouthful at a time.

The only reason I bring this up is that I'm currently dealing with an infestation of Pixies in my workshop and I'm really not in the mood for it. Neither is the Brownie who sweeps up all the sawdust every night (found the poor little guy hanging upside down from the light over my workbench this morning with a dirty rag shoved in his mouth).

But I will prevail. Being married to a half-Pixie, I know a thing or three about their likes and dislikes. All I need to do is put on a little cologne and a hopeful smile and walk out there naked. They'll be gone in seconds.

If you've ever held contract negotiations with elves, you know how demanding they can be. You'd also know that they're always looking for a better deal and will leave you high and dry without a minute's notice if someone even hints at a better offer -- and still have the nerve to expect severence pay.

Well, they got their better offer.

Yes, the Ho-Ho-Ho-in' Big Fat "I'll give you elves dental *and* a paid three martini lunch if you come work for me" Guy in the Tacky Red Suit hired the little buggers away from me. Again. Damn him and the reindeer he flew in on.

I had it all worked out with the elves this year. A steady 40 hours/week, full benefits, overtime, all the sugar cookies they could eat... I bent over backwards for them. Literally. Now my back is out of whack, too. Then Stupid Fat Guy shows up and offers them all of that plus dental and free drinks if they come work for him up North. You'd think the ungrateful little rats would at least give me the opportunity to make a counteroffer, but nooooo... They just dropped everything (including a note demanding severence pay) and went off with that Red Suited Jerk.

I hope their pointy little ears fall off in the cold up there.

At least I still have my Gnome helpers. They may be lazy (except when they're playing practical jokes on me or raiding my liquor cabinet), but at least they're loyal.