It seems weird, I love my birthday, it's the one day of the year that I absolutly do only what it is I want to do. But this year seems weird. 45! I don't feel that old, look that old, or anything else.   I have seen many people who are my age or younger, or older that look much older, act older, or I don't know. I watched Le Vin en Rose last night, oh did I weep, Edith Piaf was only 47 when she died, she looked 80, of course pain killers and booze don't help. John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Janis Joplin, I am older then they ever made. It seems so weird. Yeah, I use that word alot. I am not famous, I drink a occasionally, and I know for sure my looks are inheritaed, not that I am drop dead, but my grandmother in her 80's have very few wrinkles.  Is it true, that instead of 45 being middle age, it's really the new 30???? I missed 30, that was a very boring and dull time in my life. I am happy, married, have other people's children, need to go to Law School to complete the goal I have, and feel lucky, but I have my ups and downs.  Depression is not unusual at this time in my life, anxiety not either, I control both. But I need to make some changes. I am determined to move early next year. I love the children, but the mother is driving me crazy. It's too much. She's insane, and I've decided that I really don't like her, nor do I really trust her. Ok, getting away from subject at hand. So much going on.  That's it for now.